The President woke and he called the Pope
The Pope climbed to heaven on a golden rope
P.S. the Lord raised Michelangelo from the dead
So he can make a fresh painting of my head
Then I hung out with a king and a queen
And the queen put me down with her polo team
The way I scored points all around the clock
I had her daughter, the princess riding my jock
I knocked the freak off like a crazy retard
Then I took a little trip into a deck of cards
The diamond jack joker and the ace of spades
Was amazed at greater Cut Creator on the fade
Then I played cards with the queen of clubs
The queen of hearts with me cold fell in love
As for the queen of diamonds, she don't like men
Because you know that a diamond is a girl's best friend
The double-trouble spade was named the deuce
And the joker acted stupid, so we gave him the news
There was 52 cards, and I met everyone
That story is over, but my rhyme ain't done

Then I took a trip to the center of the earth
I was kinda scared, so E-Love went first
I met these funny little people, they called em skeezers
So I held on to my wallet like Ebeneezer
Tight leather pants that'll make you grunt
Two nice soft things right up front
The center of the earth ain't got no crime
Just people body rockin' to the L.L. rhyme
If you're kinda confused to what a skeezer is
It's just a girl who's on my jock cause I'm in showbiz
There was a whole lot of skeezers, I dogged everyone
That story is over, but my rhyme ain't done

Woke up late one afternoon
Realized I was in the world of cartoons
He-Man told me he'd beat me up
Because he thought that I looked like Donald Duck
Then I hung out with Spiderman
He told me he was gonna start a comic strip band
The Incredible Hulk was gonna play the drums
Charlie Brown grabbed the guitar and started to strum
Snoopy tried to rock on the microphone
But Tom & Jerry both said he should leave it alone
Then I hung out with Mickey Mouse
He had two freaks, so we went to his house
Mickey's freak was ugly, but mine was def
So I knocked it off until there wasn't none left
They were cartoon characters, I met everyone
That story is over, but my rhyme ain't done

Since I'm a good friend of father time
I'm not getting older as I say this rhyme
I was warming the stove at the Alamo
Before Booth shot Lincoln I stole the show
I was down with George at the Delaware
But I wore a Kangol, not the fake white hair
Me and E-Love met Sitting Bull
We made a peace pipe, then we took a pull
Then he brought more leaves from a golden chest
You thought it was tobacco, the shit was cess
There was a lot of great men, and I met everyone
That story is over, but my rhyme ain't done

11:33, I swear it's no sooner
I went inside my TV, I met _The Honeymooners_
Ralph wanted me to bust a couple of rhymes
But I had my eyes on Alice's behind
Norton came down right about that time
Looking in the fridge, so he could swine and dine
Then I said to myself, I should give em a taste
So I pulled the microphone out my black briefcase
Said, it ain't Bob Hope or Barry Manilow
Then I borrowed Norton's hat, cause I forgot my Kangol
Ralph said, "I got a scheme, let me get to it"
"Norton, my pal," I said, "Yo, don't even do it"
They were all Honeymooners, and I met everyone
That story is over, but my rhyme ain't done

Cause my tongue cuts sharp, I hit a note like a harp
Or a harmonica, Veronica, I do my part
In a bedroom with leg room I'm strong like a monsoon
Chilled in Maui-Waui and I carry a harpoon
Stopped at the isle that's Mali, cause we got ill
Wrote my name on a rock at the top of the hill
I searched for other ways, made love in caves
And I kicked the ill beats that make the natives raise
Now I'm gonna tell you what all this means
From Farmers Boulevard in St. Albans, Queens
There's a lyrical technician who came to play
Number one b-boy L.L. COOL J
All of this is just a story that I made up
Def lines I say on time with Cut Creator's cuts
Some of it's fiction, and some of it's fact
Not another common rap with a heavy drum track
A whole lot of rhymes, and I wrote everyone
That story is over, and my rhyme is done
Huh!